THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS

Julie Andrews, feeling lucky, and making friends with my mind at my first silent meditation retreat. Plus: write with me this summer!

Thank you for reading Resilience! Psst, registration is open for my 4-week writing workshop Write Now starting July 14th. More info after the essay. Plus, I’m super excited to share new paid subscriber perks soon, stay tuned. I so appreciate your support however it works for you. And now for this week’s offering. Enjoy the ride. xx

Me and my life coach, Julie Andrews (in Mary Poppins).

Recently, my mom sent me an episode of Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ podcast, Wiser Than Me with special guest, Julie Andrews. I basically lost my mind. Elaine and Mary Poppins in conversation? My “who would you invite to dinner” fantasy come true! Amongst other nuggets of wisdom, Dame Julie shares in the episode that she wakes up every morning and says, “I’m so lucky.”

What a mantra.

I love Julie Andrews. She is one of my favorite things. When I was a teenager, I’d make my little sister check out Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music at the super cool Kim’s Video on Bleeker Street. I didn’t want the bearded slacker dude working the register to think I was a total dork. But I was, and I still am!

I guess I’ve always modeled myself after Julie. Her sing-song voice, her eternal optimism, that do-a-dear skip in her step. The fact that she isn’t totally vanilla (after all, she was married to Blake Edwards who directed The Pink Panther movies!) makes her all the more compelling to me.

Plus, I can honestly say that no matter how dark the day, and how uncool it might make me, I, like Julie, do wake up feeling lucky to still be here.

As Julie Andrews lives in my psyche, it was no surprise to me that she (and all the iconic characters she has played) came to mind during my first silent meditation retreat a few weeks ago. It’s funny who and what you think about when you’re alone with your thoughts all day. Truly, I felt like a wayward Fraulein Maria at the Abbey.

How do you solve a problem like Alexa?

Some highlights.

On the first morning of silence, I said a Mary Poppins-esque 'Good morning!' to a very contemplative Kim’s Video-like dude in the lounge. I quickly mouthed a big 'Oops!' and pretended to sew my mouth shut as I tiptoed to the water cooler but I did not seem to win him over.

I kept running late for sitting meditation. As Mary Poppins would say: Spit-spot! Once there, unable to focus, I looked around at everyone else in the chapel when I was supposed to be meditating. Why meditate when you can project onto strangers?

Surely the bearded guy from the lounge hated me. The woman in the pink sweatpants thought I was a real dodo. The guy in the baseball hat and glasses thought I had the hots for him because obviously, I was the retreat creepo. And worst of all, my teacher Ethan probably thought I was a total dingdong because I kept forgetting to bow to the Buddha when I skipped out of walking meditation to pee or get yet another snack.

Some Buddhist I was!

Of course, no one was thinking any of these things. And how self-involved could I get? Bored, I moved on to convincing myself that everyone else was really meditating and I was just pretending. This went on for a couple of days until I realized that is meditating. You just sit there!

On day three, it rained. I could feel it in my bones. Sitting was hard, and I couldn’t make it through one walking meditation without slipping out of the chapel. During a particularly torturous sit, I sang “My Favorite Things” to myself until I didn’t “feel so bad.” Amongst others things, I wondered: was meditation one of Julie Andrews’ favorite things?

When my non-stop inner radio finally ran out of Julie Andrews songs, I chased scraps of memory, snippets I’d forgotten, moments I was surprised to find still stung.

I remembered catching a girl in high school making fun of how I walked. She paced back and forth by the extracurricular club bulletin boards with an exaggerated bounce and a look of self-satisfaction plastered on her face. Both our faces turned red when she realized I saw the whole thing.

I was no longer Mary Poppins. Practically perfect in every way. Did I really walk like that? How she took me down from my throne!

Years later, after my son Lou's first bout of cancer, she showed up at my apartment with another friend from high school and apologized for making fun of me way back when. We both blushed, as we had years ago, but having lived some life, our faces turned a different shade of red.

Love? Forgiveness?

I sat with this, and other things.

How that hot, terrifying summer, I wore Mexican huipil dresses. How I loved the cascade of embroidered flowers and the loose fit, as my stomach still hung off my body from carrying my twins to term.

How, for a long time, life had felt like that scene in Mary Poppins where Jane and Michael get lost in the chalky London night.

How the city is different at night. It gives you that running-around-in-your-nightgown feeling.

How it has been so many years of running around in my nightgown, my floral huipil, waiting for the wind to change.

A picture from that summer.

I looked around at the others. They seemed so peaceful. I doubted they were experiencing anything but their favorite things

The guy from the lounge was priest-like in his stillness. The woman in the pink sweatpants had a smile on her face. The guy in the glasses and hat seemed stoic and calm. I found the back of my teacher, Ethan’s head. Help, I wanted to call out. Or break out into a frantic version of Fraulein Maria’s “I have confidence!” song (which was never my favorite number).

But instead, I took a deep breath and began again.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes…snow flakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes…

“I’m so lucky,” I said in my mind, recalling Julie Andrews to Julia Louis-Dreyfus. “I’m so lucky,” I said again, marveling at the miracle of breath, and winking at each stray thought until they felt a bit friendlier, less London-at-night, less running around in my nightgown.

The chapel was so quiet, so peaceful.

I thought of Julie as Mary Poppins, how confident and regal she was. And of Fraulein Maria, so human, so fumbling…maybe I could be both Julie’s, with The Princess Diaries thrown in there, too.

I slowly exhaled, sitting up in my chair like a kid playing Queen, but Queen of my mind, the one thing I can actually work with.

How lucky to know that simple truth.

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A MEDITATION:

May I find the strength to sit with all that comes. May I soften enough so the hard things lose their power. May I make friends with myself and others.

Feel free to leave some thoughts in the comments, I love hearing from you. Perhaps a time you found some peace, or even your favorite Julie Andrews movie!

Wishing you all a beautiful weekend despite these times. It’s hard to wake up feeling lucky, believe me, I know. I highly recommend Ethan Nichtern’s new book, “Confidence: Holding Your Seat Through Life’s Eight Worldly Winds.” And of course, Mary Poppins helps, too.

Love to all.

xx Alexa

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Registration is open for Write Now! My workshops combine writing, reading, mindfulness meditation, and a little bit of rock ‘n’ roll to help you get the words flowing. Read more and register here. I’d love to have you, or feel free to share with someone who is looking to jumpstart their writing practice. I love teaching this course.

Here are testimonials from two writers in last month’s cohort. Thank you, writers! :)

"Alexa holds a beautiful and transformative space for those that need a burst of creativity in their lives. Our 4-week program reminded me to create for the sake of creation and to do so in a judgment-free space (as I am usually the one criticizing my own work). It felt good to be in an observational container where I could be unattached to my work but still be "seen" or validated by my peers. I highly recommend this course to anyone needing to change their energy, reconnect to self, or to be reminded to have a little more fun & curiosity in life.” — Cecilia L.W. Heffington

“This workshop was one of the most meaningful gifts I have given myself in a long while. Alexa tended to my heart and artist soul wisely, nourishingly, observantly, and skillfully, generously sharing her spiritual and literary knowledge as well as hard-won human experience. She cultivated an incredibly supportive atmosphere for people of different backgrounds to share their most honest selves and kindled and facilitated deep discussions. It helped me write, helped me choreograph, helped me create.” — O.

Email me if you have q’s! alexa@alexawilding.com.

More soon!