THE RESILIENCE GIFT GUIDE
What to get the friend who's *going through it.* Plus: last chance to work with me 1:1 in FORTRESS.
Hi sweet readers! So many new friends, thank you for being here, however it works for you. I’m offering 20% off paid subscriptions through Monday, December 2 (you can also gift a subscription to someone who might benefit). Also! I have 2 spots opening up to work with me 1:1 in FORTRESS, last chance at these rates. Spots will go fast so book a call for tomorrow or Friday, let’s talk. Scroll to the end for more info, too.
PS. I’m sending love to ALL. Was it Ram Dass who said, if you think you’re enlightened, go spend Thanksgiving with your family? Here for you! Okay, let’s have some fun…xx Alexa
First off…how to actually help. (Then we shop!)
I’m always getting DM’s like:
“My friend is going through [insert most terrible situation/diagnosis/crisis]. I want to help, but what can I do for them?”
Reader, this is my Zone of Genius.
As someone who’s been through some *stuff* and spent holidays eating pie on paper plates in hospitals while pretending to be just fine with that, thanks…
I’m your girl!
Yes, one’s first impulse is to shop for the friend in need…only to realize: crap, flowers aren’t allowed, and these ridiculous fuzzy slippers are… well, ridiculous. Your friend is not a muppet. She does not need ridiculous fuzzy slippers.
Thoughts of lasagna usually come next.
What is it about lasagna? Why must we prove our love by standing over boiling water, dropping one noodle in at a time, only to remember our friend is gluten- and dairy-free and therefore cannot eat this labor of blood, sweat, and tears…
Full stop.
You don’t need to prove your love with lasagna!
Unless there’s a Meal Train. Read the instructions and get on that motherfucking choo-choo. Don’t be the friend who bails on the Meal Train—girlfriend needs dinner, and you can always order her takeout.
(If you do go the lasagna route, don’t expect to ever see your lasagna dish again. It’s a well known fact that Meal Train dishes get lost in the Land of Hard Times.)
Likewise, if there’s a GoFundMe, send money. Even five dollars. That’s a latte your friend can get when she’s lucky enough to take a break from the hospital or whatever fresh hell awaits her at home. Don’t be Aunt Phyllis who thinks the [insert potential hackers] will steal her info if she clicks Send Money. Aunt Phyllis, the [potential hackers] already have your info—no one is safe. And your friend now knows that more than anyone.
If you can’t cook or give a dollar for a lollipop (some people have issues with giving money—we can work through those later…)
Give the gift of your presence—and when you do show up, do what they ask, not what you think they need!
A friend who was deep in grief once asked me to make her bed. I had hoped to pull Tarot, give her a massage, and watch Bridget Jones Diary together…but the bed getting made was all her heart desired and I felt like Mother Teresa!
If, dear reader, you’ve done all of the above and still want to give a gift (and you should, if you can), here’s the Resilience Gift Guide.
Time to pay it forward and share my wisdom! Especially if said friend is living at the hospital or needs to cozy up at home with her feelings. Much gratitude to everyone who’s fussed over me all these years. (And no, I don’t get a cut for any purchases made.)
THE RESILIENCE GIFT GUIDE
Weleda Skin Food Hand Creme
When my son, Lou was first hospitalized, my hands were so raw from all the Purell that the skin on my fingers split, and I ended up with bleeding hands. Maria, my BFF down the hall, and I called it “Stigmata Chic”—until we realized we were tired of playing martyrs and I bought us both some Skin Food. Voila!
Himalayan salt lamp.
Pink light heals and warms up a sterile hospital room or sad home. I’ve always been partial to the pyramid shape. It brings an Egyptian Mysteries / Hilma af Klint vibe. (And may I add, Hilma’s Paintings for the Future will also uplift, bring magic, and remind your friend that there is still a future to be had!)
Speaking of pyramids, I also recommend watching Joann Fletcher’s The Story of Egypt. I did so while healing from my mastectomy, high as a kite, bathed in pink light and the mystery of it all…we are but a speck in the history of the world!
Moon Juice Magnesium-Om
How to put this… Taking care of one’s bathroom needs while living in the hospital or going through a crisis is severely compromised. Not to get too TMI, but I’m still dealing with the aftereffects of eating poorly, not sleeping, and having a well-meaning but tragically ill-timed resident knock on the door every time I finally managed to slip into the bathroom.
Help your friend stay regular. She’ll love you forever.
Instant Coffee and Creamer
One of the reasons going to the bathroom is so difficult at the hospital is, you often can’t get your morning coffee when you need it! Canyon Instant Coffee and Anima Mundi creamer will make you feel like you live in a Domino-worthy house you manifested in Topanga—and not in the ICU.
Portable Speaker
Nothing makes going through something terrible instantly better than really stupid (but wonderful) music.
“Sorry, Mom, but you won’t be able to go home for Thanksgiving,” is transformed by Gloria Estefan’s “Conga,” and a conga line around the room you will not be leaving for many days. I liked this speaker as it reminded me of my rock ‘n’ roll days.
Sexy Slippers
Don’t let your friend go padding through the halls like a sad sack. This pair is elevated and chic and will make your friend feel like she’s at that house in Topanga…not in bed with Aunt Phyllis’ lasagna!
Lip balm and lipstick
Hospitals dry out your lips, especially when you’re wearing masks. Tough times call for $15 lip balms! And nothing made me feel more perverse and powerful than red lipstick when I had to do something I didn’t want to do…like wait for scans or the crosstown bus in the rain. I am woman hear me roar!
Pema Chodron’s When Things Fall Apart
At one point I think I had seven copies? This book is almost cliche but there is nothing better. A rite of passage. Yes, everything has fallen apart. But if Oprah can do it, so can you!
The Artist’s Way or Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within
Nothing screams nervous breakdown more than an artist who is forced out of their practice due to crisis. (I know something about this!) Include a notebook and a cool pen. (And work with me 1:1!)
White noise machine
So your friend can sleep! Throw in some ear plugs and an eye mask (I like this one). The person next door has one to drown out your friend’s Gloria Estefan!
A beautiful dress
Screams, “I’m in Topanga!!!!!! I am cool, calm, and collected. I read Buddhist books and I can handle this!” I bought this exact one for myself and maxed out a credit card. But — it got me through!
Mala bracelet
Screams, “Yes! I am having a spiritual awakening!” not, “I am having a nervous breakdown!” But if you are…
Bach Rescue Remedy Pastilles
I’ve been known to pop these like TicTacs (or Ativan). Take the edge off the edge!
Lastly, a basket heals all.
Just wandering around Topanga with my basket, about to feed the llamas. I am so blessed! Everything may be falling apart…but I can carry it all!
PS. if there’s an organization/charity that directly supports whatever is affecting your friend, give to it and tell your friend you did. It shows that you care, and in many cases, it will give to others who don’t have friends as lovely as you.
I hope this helps! And if not, there’s always Hugh Grant dancing in Love, Actually.
May you all be safe, happy, healthy, and FREE. And may we help each other through good times and bad. Feel free to leave some thoughts and suggestions below!
xx Alexa
Last call for 1:1 in FORTRESS!
I’ve opened up calls for tomorrow (yes, Thanksgiving) and Friday, as there are two spots opening up to work with me 1:1 in FORTRESS, my three-month container for writing and radical transformation. These will go fast, so book a call now.
I currently have an international roster of writers and seekers who are truly BLOOMING. This work has changed my life, and it's both humbling and exhilarating to witness how it's transforming the lives of others, too. It's time to live fully expressed.
xx Alexa
I love this!!! ALL great ideas!!
Amen to all your wisdoms but particularly to Skin Food.