I HAVEN'T GOTTEN THERE YET
On to-do lists, my old boss, Susan, and the constant practice of letting go. Plus: write with me this summer!
Hi everyone, and welcome to all the new readers! Thank you so much for your support, however it works for you. Somehow, no matter how full life gets or how difficult the world becomes, writing to you always feels like a joy...Here’s this week’s tiny tale. xx Alexa
Many (multi-tasking) lives ago in New York City, I had a boss named Susan. She had four kids, a house in New Jersey, and a habit of saying, “I haven’t gotten there yet.” This was usually her response when I followed up about something — like whether she’d chosen a venue for the gala or signed those checks.
“She hasn’t gotten there yet,” I’d report back to my coworker, Brian, and we’d both roll our eyes.
At twenty-four, I couldn’t understand why it took Susan so long to get there. I could get through my little to-do list in an hour or two — though where I was going, I wasn’t quite sure.
I was working in the fundraising office of a museum, supporting my real dream of becoming a famous singer-songwriter (which I pursued at night, back then I didn’t need to sleep much!). I loved my day job. Having grown up with freelancing parents, I appreciated a steady paycheck — even a small one — and the endless supply of steno notebooks with which to A+ my lists.
Susan was a great boss, more like a friend. She was fun and stylish, and I loved telling her all the details of my life: my crush on, well, someone new every week; the latest beer-stained music venue I was determined to play; the old lady across the hall from my apartment who was always in her underwear…
Susan’s life, however, I couldn’t quite wrap my head around.
What was it like to have four kids?
To have a long commute?
To need a scheduled daily call with your spouse because there just wasn’t time at home to connect?
To have such a messy office.
To always be late.
To... not be able to get there yet.
I thought of Susan this past week, when I caught myself saying:
“I haven’t gotten there yet.”
Over and over.
These days, I find myself longing for those old-school to-do lists, scribbled in 99¢ steno pads.
I long for a time before I believed I could stop the horrors of the world — in my phone, on the hour — with my thumbs.
I miss not needing sleep.
I miss the illusion that it could all get done.
I miss the feeling of crossing everything off.
Now my to-do list carries over to the next day, and the next, and the next...
It stretches toward nowhere.
It slips through my (scrolling) fingers…
I tear it off and start a new page!
“She hasn’t gotten there yet,” my kids mutter to each other, rolling their eyes.
But maybe... maybe I have.
Maybe part of getting there is knowing it’s all just too much sometimes.
Maybe Susan had it right all along.
She took her time. Sometimes, she even let things go!
No, I haven’t gotten there yet.
But I’m here. Right now. In this moment.
And I’m feeling it all, just all of it.
A MEDITATION
May I be HERE, and be fully present when I get THERE.
Feel free to share some scraps from your beautiful messy life. Or a Susan from your own story! With the world the way it is, there’s something so humble, so true, about all the little things we have to do…
Much love.
If you tackle one thing on your list…
Let this be the summer you finally write THE THING you’ve been talking about forever!
Writers/writer-curious!
I have one spot open this summer in my 3-month 1:1 program, PRIVATE STUDY. You can book a free 30-minute call with me here, tell me all about it, and we can see if we’re a good fit moving forward. Paid subscribers get first dibs, as promised. This spot will go fast — maybe it’s yours! Floral caftan not required, but works for some :)
And there will come a time later in life when not so many people need so many things from you. You’ll be able to easily cross everything off a to do list. And you’ll be nostalgic for the frantic days of yore.
And don't forgot how much you enjoy pencil sharpening!